Most reasons given for divorce are simply byproducts of a deeper interpersonal deficiency – hypersensitivity to trivial matters. Most people are aware that divorce has become a common occurrence both in the United States and abroad. We are also aware that an estimated 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce in the United States.
According to statistics, second marriages fail at a rate of 60-67 percent; and third marriages fail at a rate of 73-74 percent.
Divorce statistics show that there are a number of reasons why marriages fail. On the other side of these reasons are a good number of reasons why marriages succeed. However, why do we love to narrow our sights in on the negative aspects, as though couples should spend the majority of their energy trying to prevent these reasons from affecting their marriage? When this happens, the debris of our struggles slowly eats away at all the good reasons for enjoying a successful marriage.
According to divorced couples, the number one reason that marriage fails is due to either a lack of communication or poor communication. There is a positive side to this negative scenario. Couples who are happily married report that they enjoy communicating with one another.
I do not claim to have all the answers for enjoying marital bliss; but I just happen to be the author of a book about marriage entitled, “msHow to Fix Your Marriage without using a Hammer.” I am also a clinical counselor certified by the State of California. This may mean absolutely nothing to you, but for what it’s worth, having over twenty years of experience helping people from rocky marriages to rocketing careers should account for something. In my previously mentioned book, I wrote about the solutions more than the problems. I figure this way, if you are busy doing what is required to have a good marriage, you will not have time to be concerned with what can destroy it. The dos will far outweigh the don’ts. People must be honest with themselves and with their spouses. Working on yourself is far easier than trying to fix your spouse. However, without exaggeration, most people are external when it comes to problems and finding solutions to those problems.
Scenario: Have you ever lost something and instinctively blamed someone else for it because the item was not where you thought you left it? If couples will look introspectively at themselves, they will not point the finger of blame at their spouses. Marriage can work, if you learn how to work it.
Join my FREE 1 Day Marriage Tune-Up on May 2 @ 1:00pm at the beautiful auditorium of Christian Joy Center in El Paso, Texas. If you are in town on this date come by and enjoy one of the most insightful afternoons of your life. It will be worth it!
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I have attended Dr.Brown’s Marriage seminars and they have been a great blessing to my marriage that is going on 21years. We have learned to not take each other for granted and to appreciate the little things as well as the big things.
Dr. Brown,
I am in a second marriage and we have been married now longer than my first marriage which of course ended in divorce. You are right, you have to work on yourself first, which I did. It took almost 20 years before I was able to say I was ready to try again. During that 20 years, I worked on me. I feel you cannot be happy with anyone else until you are happy and like yourself and are willing to accept the other person as they are. That is not always easy, but I remember how I am accepted by Christ for what I am. That truly makes it a lot easier when I remember that I am not perfect either. I am thankful every day that my husband is in my life and very understanding when I am extremely busy with my business. He lets me be until I have a few minutes to talk about his day. I have finally learned to take a few more minutes during my busy day to talk to him more and learn about his life. He is getting older and more frail so I know that it is important to spend time on the present and not worry about the future. Enjoy the now has become my motto and it is working better in my life.
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I believe the marriage seminars are a great importance to any marriage whether you are having problems or not. Just to get important information on the do’s and the don’t are instrumental in maintaining a good marriage. Most people don’t understand that a marriage can be viewed as a car, if the engine is running good it doesn’t stay running good without a tune up. Sooner or later you will have some problems and you have to tune it up. If not it will eventually break down and not run at all. I have been married for 20 years as of May 16, 2009. I would hate to think of what my marriage would be like if I did not attend these marriage seminars. It isn’t only the marriage seminars that has kept me and my wife together it is being born again and learning from Bishop and my relationship with GOD. That, the seminars and the great example of marriaged couples in our minstry: Bishop and First Lady Brown, Campbell’s, Smith’s have helped keep me and my wife together this long and hopefully many more years to come. All in all the marriage seminars are just great just attend them they will do wonders for your marriage.
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